One Month In

Good evening one and all. First off, it’s been quite the month. Before I get into the details of my potentially mentally-unstable students, new flat and trip home, allow me to draw your gaze to the top of the page at the shiny new feature. Yes, I now have a contact button. Hate to brag but I worked out how to do the coding to add it in all by myself….with only 2 articles and a YouTube tutorial -which I had to watch about 8 times and pause repeatedly. If this teaching English malarky doesn’t work out, I can always become one of those 16 year olds who spends 17 hours a day online and hacks into US power plants to show how much of a superhacker they are. I could definitely pass for 16.

So, it’s week 4 at uni which should mean I’m all organised and shouting out verb conjugations and phonetics tips like an educational Tupac. Instead, I’ve found myself discussing the etymology of “make it rain on dem hoes” like…actual Tupac. My students, as usual, have not disappointed in terms of utter hilarity. I assigned the question “if you could have a superpower, what would you choose?”. I had a class of entirely great answers, standard chat about flying and teleportation and whatnot. 3 people in the class, however, stepped up to the challenge of extraodinary. Numero Uno was a girl who wrote a heartbreaking tale (1 A4 page) about how badly things were going with her boyfriend (to the point that I felt compelled to write a note at the bottom telling her not to worry). The second was a boy who did the task as asked then added at the bottom “you’re very cute and a good teacher”…..what’s French for totes inappropes? The third however, outstripped these two by miles. He wrote that he had a superpower but that he wanted to keep it a secret but if he could choose another he’d choose….to eat people’s faces. Naturally, he goes on to explain he’d always wondered what it would taste like. I wonder if he could sense my silent screaming as he read his grammar corrections.

On a lighter note, I have a theatre class and their classroom is in the music department. This means that my classroom has not one but 2 massive pianos. Obviously, before I’d even introduced myself I had a boy up playing the Game of Thrones theme tune and Yann Tiersen songs. This clearly gave him a taste for the limelight and the week after he asked to play at the end of the class. This resulted in him playing Mad World and, like some sort of Disney TV movie, the class gradually all started singing along, serenading me with “hello teacher”….and a guy at the back whipped out a lighter and started waving it in the air like we were at a Bonnie Tyler concert.

In other news, my flathunting days are over. I went to see a flat and was slightly disheartened when the guy told me they’d had fifty responses to their advert. I was then grilled like it was a job interview, rather than a room in a flatshare. Apparently the key to success is to dissect the virtues of Mario Bros games available for early 90s consoles and inexplicably respond that yes, you do make a fine carrot cake. I move in this week, which should give me enough time to learn to make carrot cake and assemble Ikea’s finest pieces.

I debated putting this into my blog or not, whether this was the place for it, in amongst my whimsical shite-talking, but it would feel even weirder not to mention it. A fortnight ago, my gran passed away. I very rarely get homesick, but when something like that happens, the distance between France and home seems enormous. At school, my gran looked after me during the week and I often felt like I had 3 parents. I can’t overstate the influence she had on my life. She shaped every part of me, from my political beliefs and outlook on the world to the belief that when it comes to fashion “too much is never enough”. Here she is, looking every inch the 50s beauty


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